Values / Belonging

Belonging

Being held by a group that knows you, and holding others in return.

What this value tries to protect

The connection people need to endure hard things, and the sense that you are accounted for somewhere.

Healthy expressions

  • Showing up for the unglamorous parts of a shared life.
  • Letting yourself be known, not just liked.
  • Making room for someone at the edge of a group.

Possible overextensions

  • Agreeing in order to stay included.
  • Treating dissent as disloyalty.
  • Keeping a group warm by keeping others out.

Common tensions

Questions worth sitting with

  • What have you kept quiet to stay part of something?
  • Which group would you be least willing to disappoint, and why that one?
  • Who belongs less because of how your group is drawn?

Belonging is the value most likely to shape a decision without being named in it. People rarely say “I did it to stay in the group,” but a great many hard choices are exactly that, and they look different once it is said out loud.

No published dilemma explores this value yet.