Step 1 of 4 · Choose

Your choice stays private

work · About 3 min · Ages 14+

The reference your colleague didn't earn

A former teammate asks you to be a reference. They were kind, hardworking, and often out of their depth.

Choose another dilemma

Dana worked beside you for two years. She was warm, reliable, and often struggled with the technical parts of the job — you covered for her more than once.

She has asked you to be a reference for a senior role at another company. She says this job would change things for her family.

What do you do?

Your choice stays private.

Choose one to continue.

What matters most here?

A guess, not an answer. Nothing is scored.

Two good values are in tension.

Loyalty

You are protecting someone who stood beside you when it cost her something.

and

Honesty

The employer forms a picture you know to be incomplete.

The other responses protect legitimate concerns too. There may not be a perfect answer here.

Other people would weigh this differently.

Consider at least two views.

A reference is a promise to a stranger

The employer cannot see what you saw. If they hire on your word and Dana struggles, the cost falls on them and on Dana — who would be set up to fail in public. Candour protects everyone, including her.

Lens: duties and trustworthiness

People grow into roles when someone backs them

Past struggle is not a fixed ceiling. Much of what Dana lacked was support rather than capacity, and a reference can be honest about who she is while still giving her a chance she has never been given.

Lens: care and relationships

Tell her the truth first, then let her decide

The choice you are agonising over may not be yours alone. Telling Dana exactly what you would say returns the decision to her — she can accept a mixed reference or ask someone else.

Lens: respect and self-determination

What information could change your choice?

What might your choice protect — and what might it cost?

Nothing you write is sent to us. Saved only on this device.

Or pick one small step

You made the tension visible.

Your choice
The option you selected above.
Values explored
Loyalty and Honesty
Your next step
The step you chose above.

Try another dilemma See my reflections